Little Princess

Hello again!

Now today I woke up this morning like any other day. I did normal day-to-day stuff and I also received some more books in the post ready for my second year at university. And it really got me thinking.

I'm really, really scared.

The future, my future, is something that - though I'm extremely excited to see what it will hold, and hopefully it holds everything I ever wanted - I absolutely dread. Because what if it doesn't? What if one little choice I make one day completely takes me away from the future I want? What if I've already made that choice. Yes, I am completely terrified.

As a little girl, as most little girls are, I was in love with the Disney Princess'. I adored them. I wanted to be one of them. I always wanted my Prince to appear out of nowhere one day; he'd see me on the street one day and he'd be so completely, instantly in love with me, and I with him. And then we'd get married and have children and live happily ever after and I'd never have to work (as a little girl 'work' meant education, as in I'd finish education at school, sixth form and then possibly university and that would be it). I'd be your typical stay-at-home wife, looking after the children and cooking and cleaning and in my little girl head that was the dream. And I couldn't have been more happy with it.

But looking back at it now, I can't help but realise how dreadfully unrealistic and fantasized that dream was. I'm already at university and I even have a job (sure its just a weekend thing, but little me never imagined it happening). And I'm going into second year at university. Which means this time in two years I will be graduating.

I am absolutely terrified.

Why am I terrified? Well, even though I know now my dream was just a childish fantasy, it's still ingrained in me, and so the thought of not having that really weighs me down; as a little girl I always knew where I wanted to go; I even had a rough idea of the ages events would happen!

Another scary factor is that though I really enjoy my English and Journalism course - and I honestly do, I wouldn't want to do any other course - I am now having a future job crisis. Do I want to be a radio presenter still? I love presenting, but I've also recently been told I'd be a good TV presenter/reporter or even, both in the past and present, a Year Two (primary school) teacher.

But I've also learnt some very important things:

- I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy, have been for a long time now, and I couldn't love him more. To me he is my Prince swooping into my life and making me feel like an absolute Princess! Plus I learned that to be a perfect couple, you have to have arguments, however stupid, just to realise how important you are to each other and no couple can be perfectly happy all the time (another ridiculous notion I had as a little girl; again that whole happily ever after stuff)
- Education-wise I've done school and sixth form and I'm proud of my results and now being at university (a fact I still can't quite believe) I feel like I'm going places, I feel kind of intelligent and seeing how proud I'm making my family makes it feel even more amazing.

But most importantly?

I may only have a rough idea of where I want my future to go. But that's alright because at the end of the day I'm only nineteen and looking at all I've achieved so far, I know I can get everything I wanted and hopefully even more. I won't let anything stand in the way of my dreams.

So I might be really, really scared. But I'm also really, really excited and determined. All of you should be too; your future is what you make it!

Till the next time,
                          Jess x